When I left Michigan in 2022, my over-40 men’s soccer team, the Canton Lions, gave me a red jersey with the English lion crest on the front and the number 42 on the back.

I turned 42 this month. Yes, I am a Leo but don’t call me a lion. I’m more like an otter, playful and free… although that is not a Zodiac sign.

Two years later, who knew I would be back in Michigan canoeing a stretch of river I had long dreamed of doing but never made the time? We don’t think we have the time until we do. Making the time means taking the time, from something or someone else. In therapy, I realized that putting myself last on the list of prioritizing my time signifies not a sense of noble self-sacrifice but rather a deep lack of self-respect. If you do not put yourself first, then you will always come last.

The actual day of my birthday, August 6th, turned out to be cloudy and rainy, so I had postponed my adventure trip until the 8th. I have learned to be flexible when going on outdoor adventures, as the weather largely affects the quality of the time outside. I also find certain celebratory dates quite arbitrary, preferring to find times to celebrate within the ebb and flow of life. It’s possible to stay committed without being rigid. Being flexible is a flex.

I had just recovered from COVID when I celebrated my birthday. The pandemic has reminded us all that we do not know how long we have. The recent fantastical sinking of billionaire Mike Lynch’s yacht is another reminder death can come anytime, anywhere. Now that I am 42, I think of Kobe Bryant, who had just ended his professional basketball career and was moving into a variety of creative projects when he and his daughter tragically died in a helicopter crash. He would have turned 42 that year. 

The meaning of life is 42, according to the universe’s supercomputer Deep Thought in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Some argue that Douglas Adams came up with the number from an early programming code denoting the asterisk (*). What this means is anyone’s guess, which might be Adams’ point: the meaning of life is what we make it.

Who knew at 42 I’d still be on this river of life, with all its twists and turns, rapids and still waters? I must be doing something right to be alive and thrive. And I must be quite lucky, too. I am grateful and feel fortunate.

I will not make time for myself until I take the time from somewhere else. I will not value my time until I invest in my time. I cannot heal myself until I stop punishing myself.

May it not take another year around the sun for us to remember to prioritize, respect, and take care of ourselves… so that we can be the best we can be with whomever and whatever time we have left.

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